A Smile For People Who Is Crying.

Like The Tree Needs The Earth
Like The Star Needs The Sky
Like The Nights Needs The Moon
Like The Guitar Needs The Tune
My World Needs You

To Someone Special I Know At 28/02/09.

I been working at Bliss Kids Cafe at the Jacob Ballas Children Garden for quite a while, i feel so relax over there cos the place is really a place where no politics and everyone is working together although all the crazy people gathering around there, including me of cos =)

I was working happily becos there is alot of friends who working together at the same place although i feel becos of me, their working days become fewer which means earn less money, sometimes really cant help to think that im really just an extra.

And again, when i'm with them again, seeing them so happily and laughing together all the way, i was like really very happy too but i jus more like to be with them, i never think about anything else but i jus cant stop thinking that i'm still an extra.

Yesterday when i was walking home with a friend, my friend suddenly tell me to give his friend a chance to hav a girlfriend then i was like so shock that he tell me this kind of thing, i mean chatting with each other doesnt mean anythings else, its jus that we both are talkative and like to talk, i never wanted to be in between on anybody. At that moment of time, i really think im really is AN extra between them.

I really never wanted to be in between on anybody, i also controlling my feelings right now, its not like i trying to do somethin to hurt this friendship.

My walls around me are started to break but looks like my walls are begins to get thicker. Am i going to lose this friendships again or are you telling me i'm an extra in this everything.?

Sometimes im also feel like i missed out my important friends, those who we never meet for quite a time. Sometimes im really do feel lonely. Soemtime i just hope that i wont think to much. I hav to keep reminding myself that there is always a line that i cant cross between friendship. A line we have to choose between friendship and relationship.

Suddenly got a feeling that i hav to make friends with lonely again.

today im staying overnight at my fren home, and i jus got my pay and will be goin to ikea to buy some furniture, it make-over for my living room is making and giving me dam lots of problem and the worst, my pregnant sister always got bully in her work place and then having problems with my jiefu so frequently, what's my world going on.?

Nevermind, today i watch a midnight show with my frens, some fren who can talk to and oh ya, almost forgot, i also go to my Unit Coy buffet dinner, i'm so happy to see my crew of frens and superior there, so like the same old them, never change, same old funny.. remind me of so many good memories, Hardship.

im bveen thinkin alot alot alot of things these very alot of few days, i been listening to my mother bedtime childhood stories and my grandparents who is frm my mother-side, i think if they really still alive in this world, i'll love them and take very good care of them as they also love me very much, maybe i wont hav suffer this much in the past but until i know the stories of my grandparents, i know and i can feel that they are looking after my family from above. 

as for my father side, i think i been hidden in the dark for quite long until my mother told me abt sotries that happen to us, they so realistic and so unreasonable becos my mother serve the family so well but they accused my mother that she is eyeing their asset and they never treat us like a family, they never seen to like us at all, now left my father alone but he is quite a unpredictable one, due to my mohter brain-wash, i cant help to think that he will or not sell the house we living now at the age of 60, i spent half of my pay to make the house more like a home instead of the junk place but i only get scolding and a sentence "Go outside and stay make have your own home", and it's good that it came from my father mouth, at that moment i so wish to give him a smack in his brain but he is my father after all so i hav to suck thumb again.

anyway,  becos they never protect me and they make me living in hell from my kindergarden to my secondary sch so i'm used to any family problems and outside problem, in the past, i only know how to cry but moment now, i'll never drop a tear if i never wrong, if you hav a firm reason, even the road you walking is full of gangster, they also cant kill you.

sometime i really do feeling lonely at some of the time's but loneliness is somethin i think is quite vunerable to almost every human so i must endure with that cos i have a dream to catch, i dont live for the sake of living, i'm pursuit my dream and i think that's the way to live my life. everyone shld hav their own dream at the age of 20 cos ten yrs dwn the road, determine how you goin to live your life till old, you wont have another ten yrs if you reach the age of 30+ cos you can ask yourself, do you really think you can rush another ten yrs.? possible but unlikely.

As for my dream, my dream of cos, it's a baker but i think the road ahead is goin to be very rocky but dont know why, i think i very willing to go ahead this direction to fulfill my dream. do bread have the chance to change the world and bring smile o people who is living in despair.? i always asked myself that but i dont know the answer, so i'm goin to do a 10yrs practical to seek for the answer. it's not jus a dream of mine but a dream of sharing i wanna tell everyone in the world. i wanna tell everybody and let them understand there are people suffering but too live happily needs alot of courage but not many can think that way, actually everybody shld hav be very contented with their life if they are still wearing a pair of shoes, how do you feel if you saw someone with no feet at all.? i wanna bring hope into this world so people who is not living very well but at least they hav something to eat and not starving.

my dream sounds big, the more bigger obviously is more impossible to fulfill but at least i'm not still living in the past and no confident in mysdelf due to the past mistakes that i did, everyone makes mistake. no one makes mistake without having a price, the price of experience and lesson of do it better and not to do it again. i always think what kills you, make you stronger but not what don kills you, makes you stronger, reason is simple, kills you = admitting mistakes, moving forward and dont kills you = running or avoiding the root of the mistakes, learn nothing.

This is long~message.. i'm ending the blog now so bouncing now~

Today wil be the last time that my frens gets hurts.

I ll be leaving something on my body to remind me, im on the edge.

The world is dirty, i ll be cleanin the world if i have too.

Do not force me or i ll hunt you down.

What goes around, comes around.

We ll meet again.